The Sober Stripper - Pt. 2

Sobriety & my relationship with stripping, insights + suggestions & where I plan to go from here!

My relationship with dancing as a sober stripper:

After a full year of sobriety from alcohol, I can happily say that my relationship with stripping has improved and become more positive and empowering in a plethora of ways. From setting and maintaining better boundaries to being able to stay alert and engaged all night, sobriety has definitely given me my spark back as a dancer. 

First things first though, I'm going to keep it completely transparent with you all. The first 30-90 days was really, and I mean really fucking hard. Going in and not drinking was brutal. Saying "no" to the other girls who I used to drink with sucked, and at the end of the day, it caused me to completely move clubs because the temptation was so strong that I knew I wouldn't be able to succeed in early sobriety while still working at the club I'd been at for the last year. The best tips I can give you here are to do absolutely whatever it takes to stay sober, have a support system that you can trust (friends, other dancers/club staff, recovery groups, family, therapist, etc.), and have goals to shoot for. Not just long-term goals either, I mean things that you will see progress on within those first 30-90 days of sobriety. When I first got sober, I focused my attention on doing origami when I wasn't at the club. I set goals about how many little decorative bottles I wanted to get filled within 2 weeks and it was fun and simple yet rewarding to work toward. Even small, fun goals are great during this time period. You don't want to put a ton of huge goals and lots of intense pressure on yourself when you're already trying to do something that's extremely challenging. 

During early sobriety in the club, one of the biggest things I noticed about my performance as a dancer was the ability to work longer shifts without becoming exhausted and needing to leave early, or skip multiple stage sets to try and sleep off some of my drunkenness. I felt much more in control of my time and how I used it, rather than just having to attempt to make it to the end of my minimum hours before leaving to pass out at home. This became a huge plus for many reasons, but of course one of the major ones being that I was able to hustle for longer and maintain clear, sharp focus on my goals and be intentional in my actions.  In addition to being a better hustler, I also was no longer spending any money at all on alcohol, from the bar or from a liquor store. As you can imagine, that saved money added up quickly.

Stripping sober also meant that I no longer looked and acted like a hot mess all the time. I'm not going to sugar coat it; I wasn't a cute drunk. I was messy and often times, mean. My makeup and hair would inevitably look like shit; I'd be stumbling all over the place and completely bombing interactions with customers left and right. When I got sober, that was all a thing of the past. I was able to keep myself together and looking on point while also critically thinking about how to approach each customer and how to articulate the best responses while also pitching my VIP/Private dance to them smoothly. I didn't have to go home anymore and be ashamed of the way I'd looked/acted all night because I was sweating, crying, screaming and getting sick at work. I felt like slowly but surely, I was gaining back my real self and learning how to be sober again - one shift at a time.

The more time I got under my belt, the easier it became to function at work and the better I got at doing my job completely sober. Not only was it extremely satisfying to watch the days add up, but watching my earnings increase alongside my sobriety time was so incredibly rewarding. It gave me even more of a reason to keep pushing myself to make it one more day further into sobriety. I knew that eventually, I'd have much less severe cravings and that I'd only continue to learn, grow and improve as a stripper. 

Now, with a year and a couple months of sobriety, I'm happy to say that things have only continued to improve. We all know that currently, the economy worldwide isn't at its best, but I'm thankful that I've been able to adapt and work well with the circumstances I've been given. It would be so much harder to be making ends meet during a time like this if I wasn't sober. Bad nights don't get me down as much, and I'm not drinking away my anxieties to cope. That alone makes success much more easily attainable, even in a recession. 

Insights and suggestions:

Here, I'm going to list out some of the major things I've learned and wish I'd known sooner plus more suggestions and tips for sobriety!

• You do not have to be drunk or high to do well as a stripper, honestly, you don't. Doing it sober is often better for authenticity, safety, upselling, remembering details about customers and playing up the "genuine connection".
• Drinking and/or doing drugs on the job will become a habit very, very quickly and it will be hell to break it. Do yourself a favor and don't start using substances to cope with stripping. If it's that hard for you to do this job sober, you may want to consider a different line of work.
• Being sober on shift gives you much more control over your environment and who you're interacting with. It is harder for customers to take advantage of you if you have all of your wits about you. In addition, you're less likely to need to stay with customers who you really don't want to be around just because you need money for a drink or a fix. 
• Your energy will improve. Your skin, hair, nails and internal organs will all be healthier, making you look better. 
• After a bit of sobriety, your anxiety will likely start decreasing. It's important to seek some kind of therapy/support, if possible, to improve the odds of your anxiety/other mental health struggles becoming more bearable. 
• Keeping an everyday sober journal can be helpful. You can write really whatever you want in it about your sobriety. Had a great shift? Write about it. Stressed out by sobriety but still doing it? Write about it. Achieve a new goal? Write. Make amends? Write. Learn something new about yourself? Write. Almost relapse? Write. Help a friend stay sober? Write. Keeping a journal is a great way to watch your progress and gives you something constructive to do and something to look forward to. 
• Having goals for what you want dancing to do for you is important when focusing on sobriety. What do you want to achieve through dancing/sex work? How will you achieve said goals? The more you're working toward building for your future, the less of a place alcohol/drugs will have in your life now.
• Change your club, your friend group, your shift/days worked, etc. Whatever you have to remove from your life or change to get and stay sober, do it to the best of your ability. 
• If you can afford it, research a sliding scale, sex work friendly therapy practice that has experience with substance abuse and recovery.
• There are several recovery programs you can look into, including but not limited to:

*Note: Each program contains a direct link to the appropriate website associated with each for easy navigation. 

• 12-step Programs: AA, NA, CA, CMA
• Non-12-step Programs: SMART Recovery, LifeRing Secular Recovery, Women for Sobriety, Moderation Management
• Online/Virtual Support: The Luckiest Club, Soberish, Sober Grid, and Reddit groups like r/stopdrinking and r/redditorsinrecovery
• Industry Specific: SWOP Behind Bars, St. James Infirmary (Bay area based, but with online resources) 

Where do I want to go from here:

14 months ago, if you'd told me that I'd have my own website with a blog and a brand within the year, I wouldn't have believed you. I didn't see my life going anywhere positive, because I wasn't focused on the bigger picture. I was worried only about the day-to-day. However, now that I'm sober and able to see more of the forest through the trees, there are so many different directions I hope to travel throughout my life; both personal and professional!

For starters, I of course want to continue building up The Dancer's Diary. I want more things to be available in the shop from different charms to stripper emergency kits to eventually a clothing line and full books/workbooks and worksheet pages! I want to take this brand as far as I possibly can and help as many sex workers as I am able to in my life. 

I want to stay in the industry as a stripper for as long as it makes me happy to do so and continue helping others in this community with my brand until my time comes. In addition, I'd love to open some kind of cat sanctuary which houses elderly/ill/disabled rescues so they can live out their life well cared for and loved. I also really want the sanctuary to also be a place where abuse survivors of any kind can come and spend time with the cats and even volunteer to help provide cares and necessary treatments to the animals. Ideally, this sanctuary would be something that is helpful for both humans and animals alike. 

I hope to travel the world throughout my life and leave an impact no matter where I go or for what reason be it business or personal. I am excited to give back to not only my community but to humanity as a whole by telling my own story and experiences and using them to help others in need. I am working with my best friend to create a podcast that we will cohost and discuss various topics both industry related and otherwise. 

More than anything, I want to give back and I want to heal. Of course, money is nice (and unfortunately necessary), but it's not the only goal for me by a long shot. I want enough to be comfortable and enough to always be helping in any ways that I can. That is the main reason I am working on expanding my brand - helping and healing the community that saved me when I had nothing else. 

I hope these resources, insights, goals and experiences are inspiring to you and encourage you down your own path of sobriety. You can do great things, and you can achieve success no matter what success means to you personally. You are capable. You are strong. You have everything it takes to get and stay sober already within you. Believe in yourself and know that I believe in each and every one of you reading this. 

Good luck and positive healing energy to you all,

Xo - Barbie