Why Introversion is an Asset - Even at the Strip Club

Before I became a stripper, there were two things that I saw as extreme roadblocks to my entry into and success in the industry. The first one is my chronic nerve disorder, Allodynia. Allodynia is a condition where stimuli that should not cause pain, such as clothing touching the skin, causes severe nerve pain. This was something I was considerably worried about because the areas of my body where I'd wear a bikini are highly sensitive to the touch of clothing. The second thing I thought would cause me to fail as a stripper was the fact that I've been intensely introverted my entire life. I wasn't sure that I could handle large crowds, performing on stage and in VIPs, talking to various customers every single day, and navigating club dynamics and politics with the other strippers. For a while, these were actually the only two things holding me back. I really wanted to try, but I was so scared of failing that I didn't even let myself take that chance.

If you've read my summarized story, you're aware that my push into the strip club came from a place of financial necessity and a strong need for scheduling flexibility. At that point, I was still terrified that I wouldn't be able to make it, but I truly didn't have a choice, so I figured I'd better find a way to make things work for me regardless of my Allodynia and introverted personality. Of course, like all jobs, there was a learning curve and a lot of trial and error. Things did begin to fall into place for me, though. I figured out the kinds of outfits I could comfortably wear and how to use my unique personality and talents to my advantage. At some point, I will eventually write more in depth about what it's been like working as a stripper with Allodynia and how I've managed it (most of the time) while dancing. For this post though, I'm going to be focusing on how and why being an introvert has helped me more than hindered me as a stripper. Hopefully, this can give my other fellow introverted dancers/prospective dancers some insight on why this personality can be a blessing rather than a curse, even in a highly social job!

Now, my very first shift was truly completely beginners luck. I was approached by 9 customers that day and each one was asking to take me for dances. I was elated that my first day had gone so well, but I knew from my prior research about the industry that this was (unfortunately) not the norm. I knew that I'd have to be the one doing the approaching and selling most of the time, and honestly, it terrified me. I remember being so confused about what to say, how to present myself, who to pretend to be, what questions to ask and how to pitch sales... it all felt like a whirlwind of new skills that I was having to develop on top of learning to be an entertaining dancer who moved gracefully and sensually while keeping customers excited to continue watching. 

The longer I continues stripping, the more I found myself making the most money when I was just authentically me. I didn't do better when I pretended to have the biggest personality in the room and approached customers being loud and theatrical. My tips didn't increase when I was playing the roll of "spoiled bitch" or an "air-headed bimbo". I wasn't seeing upticks in my sales when I went overboard on the dirty talk or constantly sitting in the customers laps and being extremely touchy with them. My best nights seemed to consistently show that when I leaned into who I was at the core of my being, that's when I did my best. When I engaged with customers on deep, emotionally connecting topics, they seemed to respond very well and enjoyed my company much more than when I was using a fake persona and trying to embody an extroverted personality that wasn't truly mine at all.

Being an introvert all my life, I can say that one on one connection is not only something I thrive on, but something I excel at. Once I realized how big of an asset this was as a stripper, my life in the clubs truly changed for the better. Instead of going into work worried about how I'd impress every single customer in the room, I started reminding myself that I just needed to give my all to every worthy interaction. I didn't have to capture everyone's attention all at once or all night, but while they were with me, they needed to feel like it was just us two there. Thankfully due to my introverted ways, I'm not much of a partier or a clique kind of girl, so the vibe of partying all night with the other strippers wasn't something that ever appealed to me. That fact made it much easier to focus solely on customer interactions and perfecting my stage presence. My conversational skills that came from years of deeply personal interactions with friends and loved ones turned out to be something that helped me immensely at work. I wasn't the loudest girl in the room, but I could keep a customer interested in our conversation and spending to keep it going for hours at a time. 

The funny thing? I wasn't pretending to be someone that I'm inherently not. I didn't have to approach in some big grand entrance type of way or use a cheesy dirty talk line to introduce myself. I found it completely unnecessary to try and make some crazy huge impression on customers first thing upon introduction. I was honestly shocked by this, too. When I first started dancing, all I heard was about how you have to be fake, you can't be yourself. Other strippers told me to completely erase my "civilian self" when I was here. They told me to have some big elaborate backstory and never to be anything other than an airhead slut who is drooling all over the customer and acting hypersexual. I even had multiple strippers tell me, "you're too real and honest with these guys, you're never going to make any money by being yourself". Little did they know, I was and still am, my own greatest asset. 

Now, I do want to say if the highly extroverted, theatrical and/or hypersexual way of acting as a stripper works for you, that is wonderful! It's valid and amazing and I am in no way shape or form bashing it. However, it is just not something I could ever get to be flawless enough with that it got me the same high dollar sales that just being myself did. Some girls are amazing at being slutty and flirty from the jump with customers, and for them the lines don's sound cheesy, forced or robotic. For me, though? You can clearly tell I'm lacking confidence in my approach and I am not in my element at all, and that alone is a turn off for a lot of customers.

My talent and income stems from connecting with the customer in some way that is typically emotionally and/or mentally stimulating. Customers have complimented my ability to make them feel valued and keep a conversation interesting, honest and full of connection more than anything else from my looks to my pole tricks. As an introvert, I'm not typically approaching large groups or sitting in sections with crowds of customers and other dancers. My preference is to zero in on those customers who enter and sit alone. They are often in search of connection more than a big party. That is where I shine. Groups and sections are extremely challenging for me, and I so admire the strippers who go in and make a bag from them! I struggle to remain relevant in sections unless I can really connect with one or two people sitting in them. Often, people aren't in a section to connect, they're there to party and hang out with really energetic and vivacious strippers who can really keep a party going. That has just never been my strong suit, and I find it causes me more stress than profit when I attempt to work groups or sections. So, I stick to my one on ones, and do my best to build a genuine connection with each customer that I interact with throughout the shift. 

Now, I don't want this to seem like I just honestly tell customers every little personal detail of my life with no regard for my own safety, because that's not at all what I do. Identifying information is something I strive to always keep vague at best or completely untrue if I don't feel comfortable divulging anything even slightly identifying to a particular customer. When I say I'm authentic and honest, I mean I just let my true personality as an introverted woman shine through. I dive deep into conversations about anything and everything with the customer. I listen actively and attentively in order to keep the conversation going by asking about small details that they tell me. I don't try to force the conversation in a direction it clearly isn't going i.e. super nasty, directly to money, about something the customer clearly doesn't want to keep talking about. I do my best to let them lead while I ask probing questions to show genuine interest and build that deeper level of connection. 

So, you're probably wondering, "how the hell does she sell any rooms or dances?!", and here's the wild thing, a lot of the time that genuine conversation and interest is what sells the customer on me. They end up inquiring about my prices and taking me upstairs for dances or VIPs without me having to bring up money/dances/suites once in our conversation prior to their inquiry. Don't get me wrong, there are times where I absolutely have to pitch the sale, but even then because we've typically built a solid rapport, it doesn't seem super pushy or poorly timed when I do bring it up. One of the greatest strengths about a solid conversation is that you can learn a great deal about your customer fairly quickly and use your findings to execute the sale in a way that feels natural to you both and lets the customer feel like they're really being understood and taken care of. Often times, I am able to pitch the sale in a way that makes the customer feel like they're the one with the ultimate "say so" in whether or not we go upstairs. Giving customers the "illusion of choice" can be a very successful tool for securing multiple dances and upselling during those dances/VIPs. When fast selling, this is something that I find extremely difficult to do well, and it causes my pitch to sound pushy or forced, like the customer is just another dollar sign to me rather than a real person.

Although I may not enjoy mental stimulation from various other people or social gatherings, that does not mean I don't enjoy other forms of mental stimulation. While I'm at home enjoying a quiet night alone, I find myself engaging in activities like reading, writing, learning about something on YouTube, watching documentaries and researching random topics. These activities have made it possible for me to learn and retain a great deal of information. With this broad spectrum of knowledge on various topics, it is fairly seamless for me to find some kind of common ground with most customers during my shifts. Whether we're talking about machining or the stock market, I almost always can pull out some kind of information that I've learned about said topic to keep the conversation interesting and engaging for myself and the customer, too. 

When I look back at how much of a handicap I assumed introversion would be, it truly is incredible to me now to see what a strength it has actually proven to be as a stripper! Whether you're introverted like me or not, the main point I'd like to make sure I drive home here is that you being your unique self is something worth celebrating at work. Just because you're introverted does not mean you're lacking the proper tools to be an excellent stripper! Nobody else has your hustle style, your conversational skills and unique talents that make you, you! Remember, being yourself and utilizing your inherent strengths is just as powerful as acting and stepping into a roll that is completely different from your "civilian world self". 

What are some of the things you've learned about your personality, whether introverted or extroverted that have served you extremely well as a stripper? I'd love to hear about everyone's unique strengths and how you've used and developed them in the clubs!