Seduction, Strategy & Survival: Why Stripping is Harder than You Think

You've likely heard the saying, "looks get you in the door, but personality gets you hired". Pretty true of most jobs, right? People typically understand that just because you look good doesn't mean you're necessarily the best person for the job. Now, you might look at stripping and think that it's ALL looks and nothing to do with personality, but you're very, very wrong. On top of needing a 5-star personality, this job takes incredible strength, resilience and fortitude. But it's "just stripping", right? The dancers just come in and rip their clothes off and gather the reward of a quick 10k and leave, it doesn't take any effort, brains or strategy. Wrong again. Because if it was that easy, everybody you know would be doing it. If you're not a stripper, think about the last time you comfortably and confidently performed naked for hundreds of people live. Think about the last time you approached a complete stranger in nothing but a g-string and bikini top to ask for cash. What about the last time you wore a pair of 8" heels for 12 hours straight, or had 20 different guys try to push your boundaries in the span of those 12 hours? Those things don't sound "easy" to do, do they?

To be completely honest with you, the aforementioned are only a small fraction of the things strippers have to do and be prepared to deal with on a nightly basis. Truthfully, the hustle starts before we even get to the club. You're hyping yourself while you get ready and drive to work. Maybe you're mentally planning out your sales goals and how you'd like to see yourself achieve them. You're texting regulars to come see you, planning your outfits, emotionally preparing for hours of dealing with being sexualized and objectified by not all, but many of the customers. For some of us, we are figuring out child-care, getting off of a shift at another job, or battling mental and/or physical illnesses that threaten to force us to stay home. Anything you're dealing with in your personal life can make it 10 times harder to come in with a smile, confident attitude, and successful sales strategies - not to mention enough energy to get through more than a few hours. When you don't feel your best, for whatever reason, even getting into the club and trying can be a nearly impossible task. And often times, getting there is one of the biggest battles we can face, since we're not "forced" to come in like one would be at a civilian job. 

Let's assume that you've successfully made it into the club. The 10k is just one stage set away, right!? Well, in reality we are coming into a club that is often overflowing with dancers and not nearly enough customers to occupy us all. It can feel like a total battlefield just trying to find someone unspoken for to talk to who hasn't blown all their money yet. Alternatively, there are times when the club is literally dead for hours on end. Just you and a handful of other dancers sitting around, praying for even a single customer or two. Those are just two out of the countless scenarios which can feel draining, defeating and nerve-wracking as a stripper. Our money depends on who we can talk to, and if nobody is available, spending or even in the club, that feels like the weight of the world. Suddenly it can feel like every girl for themselves as you try to navigate through dozens of taken customers or be the first to snag a just-entering guy. 

But it would seem luck is on your side tonight; you've found someone to talk to! Now, just go up and shake your ass, then demand 10 grand! The likelihood of that panning out in your favor is actually so low, that if I were you, I don't think I'd take that gamble. Realistically, yes - there are a number of customers at any given strip club who are, quite literally, just interested in your body, and don't need to hear you talk at all. Those are the times when the quick "wanna dance?" line will actually work well; there won't be as much of a need for the mental gymnastics that come with engaging in a conversation with a complete stranger while trying to subtly convince them to spend money on you. However, the majority of the time, the customer is going to want to get to know you to some degree before they agree to take you to VIP/Privates. This part is what requires high levels of quick thinking and personality/needs assessments of each individual person/group as you talk to them and stay in character. "Do they want dirty or innocent? Do they like deep conversations or small talk? Do they need to vent or have a connection? Are they lacking self-confidence or morals? Will they be handsy or respectful? What boundaries do you need to set and hold with them? How are you going to upsell? What would it take for this customer to become your regular? Are you comfortable with them? Are they comfortable with you?" These are some of the many silent questions that might pass through a stripper's head as she chats with a potential spender, and they're all valid and important things to keep in mind! But you can't very well just ask all of these things, so reading subtle social cues, verbal and physical language, energy and attitude are all necessary to determine who you need to be depending on who you're sitting with. I don't want to think about how many interactions I completely bombed because I was trying to force a "one size fits all" approach to selling. Your hustle and pitches will likely need to vary slightly from person to person, and it takes a lot of personality and confidence to be able to do that on a dime, over and over again. 

Congratulations, you've secured yourself a VIP suite! That 10k is just around the corner! You may have figured out by now that the 10k comments are meant to be sarcastic, and if you haven't... well, they are. Realistically, being in VIP could have a multitude of outcomes from a friendly, respectful guy who was happy to spend time with you to someone who refuses to pay you (please get payment up front) because he tried to push boundaries and touch you, and you wouldn't allow it. You'll deal with people who are rude about tipping or people who become way too obsessed with you. You might even find yourself in scary and unsafe situations during or after VIP's or dances - as sad as that is to say, I have to be honest. Bad things do happen to us, and this job can be dangerous and upsetting. Eventually, I'll be going into more detail with another full blog post about the realities of job-related dangers and how you can use best practices to defend yourself and keep yourself safe. But while we're still in this VIP, you also have to be thinking critically while remaining sexy, alluring, fun and seductive. You're consistently judging how the customer is feeling and finding the right moments to upsell before the time has ended and they don't want to keep spending. It's a delicate balance of keeping it interesting and sexy without giving everything away on the first song. All the while, you've got to be assessing their demeaner and your safety - with a quick plan if something goes south with their behavior. 

I'm happy to say, you did great! You got paid up front, got a tip, and gave the customer a free entry card for next time. He promises to come back for you next week. Whether he will or not is up for debate. Now it's time to go back on the floor and continue participating in stage rotation and working the rest of the floor for another 7+ hours. So, we discussed a snapshot of what a customer interaction might look like, but what other things do we as strippers have to contend with on any given night? I'm glad you asked.

For the sake of time and ease of reading, I won't dive as deeply into every other topic. So, here is a fun little list of stripper struggles and things we have to consider:

• Working through adverse situations in our home life from heartbreak to loss to legal problems, financial issues, addictions and more
• Picking outfits that make us feel good inwardly while also being successful in making us look good to customers
• Staying motivated when we've had 5 bad shifts in a row and the bills are due
• Workplace drama from petty remarks to literal fist fights, thieves, sharks/vultures/roaches, creepy/abusive staff, predatory dancers and more
• Physical pain from the shoes and the dancing to the outfits we wear, lots of things at this job can cause pain and injuries
• Emotional (and at times, physical) scars from being assaulted/stalked by customers 
• Struggles with interpersonal relationships outside of the club - judgmental family/friends, insecure partners, jealous or money hungry people and straight up being cut off at times just because you're a stripper
• Dealing with anxiety, depression, PTSD/cPTSD, BPD, Bipolar, and a multitude of other potential mental health issues or traumas, all while staying sexy and masking our pain and struggles
• Performing through physical pain whether it's due to menstrual cycle, old injuries, work-related injuries, pregnancy or miscarriage, chronic pain/chronic illness or anything else, we're expected to be able to perform with grace and sex appeal
• Physical or sexual violence against us not being taken seriously simply because we are sex workers
• Constantly having to worry about your safety and the safety of your fellow sex workers, because violence against sex workers is an epidemic throughout the world. In the USA alone, up to 75% of sex workers have reported experiencing workplace violence at some point in their career. These numbers rise for more at-risk sex workers such as those who are street based with more than 86% reporting being physically assaulted or raped while working. 
• Dealing with slow seasons, bad nights, financial insecurity and uncertainty and trying to learn how to manage money and make money work for you and not the other way around
• A variety of body image issues can plague even the most seemingly confident of sex workers, and it takes a brutal toll on many of us to feel like we're not "good enough" and we don't measure up to other women we work with
•  Setting and keeping boundaries, even when high dollar amounts are involved or a customer is pressuring you or you really need the money
• Learning to read people to determine who is a spender, who is a time waster and how much time and energy you need to give each customer without giving too much for free and losing the sale
• Developing your own hustle style and tweaking it for every interaction, every city and every club - because they all have different vibes
• Being about your money, but not so aggressive about it that you push customers away with your desire for cash
• Maintaining a healthy social life and circle both in and out of the club. The club can be all-consuming, and keeping friends and relationships outside of it can be difficult, especially when nobody else in your life understands what you're dealing with as a stripper
• Keeping regulars hooked and coming back and navigating their many emotional fluctuations and peeving personality points that may make them unpleasant to be around as well as dealing with it when they inevitably disappear on you or start giving you less and less money because they think you two are "friends"
• Dealing with club politics and drama, learning new club rules if you move clubs or cities
• Learning your specific club's often unspoken "stripper etiquette" as well as the overarching etiquette that applies universally in our industry
• Many strippers who are BIPOC may deal with racism in this industry and may even struggle to find clubs who will hire them in some cities, regardless of who they are as a person and what unique strengths they will bring to the club
• Managing your energy throughout every shift so you don't end up completely fried out and unable to hustle
• Staying healthy in an industry that can often promote negative habits and lack proper access to healthcare
• Often dealing with working the unconventional nightshift hours and everything that goes along with it from poor sleep hygiene to no businesses being open when you're awake and need them to be and missing out on important events because you're working or asleep

This isn't a short list, is it? Believe it or not, this list doesn't cover everything, and I'm sure every stripper reading it could add 20 unique things to it that I didn't already cover. I'll end this here though, and I hope that if you're someone who thought stripping was just easy money that takes no skill, you think differently now. If you're a dancer reading this, I hope it was affirming for you. I hope you know that I see the struggles we deal with, even if they are not all struggles of my own. I love you all, I support you all, and I hope to continue to cultivate a space where we all feel seen and valued the way we deserve. 

If you'd like, please drop a comment with some of the major things that personally make this job challenging for you and how you've learned to overcome or work through those struggles! Keep shining, my loves.

Xo - Barbie